Miss Lacy
NFL Draft pick
Professor
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
Posts: 1,242
|
Post by Miss Lacy on May 4, 2015 19:49:41 GMT -5
I missed the pre-date, but I have to say steelerjeff offered the best advice-- which you seem to have been excited to hear, but in practice it appears to have been thrown out the window. From a woman's perspective, I may be able to offer some insight into a few of the young lady's actions. She gave you her phone number--- after you quit and would no longer be working at the same place. True? As a talent scout, she may have wanted to offer her help. Because of her connections, she could be in a position to network/assist you in finding another job. If she is (as you say) a successful, professional woman (with a career in human resources), she fully understands the importance of a having a stable job/career-- and she wants you to have one, too. If a good portion of your lunch date was spent discussing your future/options, she wants to help. I'd focus on taking any/all help she can offer in that area, and THEN see how things fall. As for that lunch. She agreed to--what you characterize as-- a date, true? Well, I'm really sorry to have to pull off those rose-colored glasses, but all us girls know that "lunch" is NOT a real "date." "Lunch" is sharing a crowded, public space with a person for a limited time (less than one hour)-- and oh yeah, half that time is spent ordering/eating. A "lunchdate" is typically offered to the "I like you as a friend" type men, because it is suppose to set a clear boundary-- one which these men usually tend to regularly cross. (Example-- texting EVERY DAY. ) I, personally, suspect she wanted to offer a kind gesture (lunch) inexchange for your kind gesture (bday flower/cake), and also find out if she could help you in your job search. Your post immediately after this date said "I love her." (your words) If I'm that girl. I'm like--- DAMN. And then, YIKES! I would then quickly find a way to avoid your texts (she did) and I would tell you to back off (she did). If you don't heed these stop signs-- in her mind, you could become a kind of creepy stalker-type. Someone she regrets ever giving her phone number to. Hmmm. Notice how I never even mentioned your "soon-to-be-separated" status in this entire scenario? That's because it is just one layer-- merely the icing on the cake (pun intended ). This concrete fact screams JUST A FRIEND in her ears. But it should also cause you to pause and seriously reflect/re-evaluate your life (both professional and personal) before you hastily act on ANYTHING. You claim you are not on the rebound. Perhaps, not. But, I do believe you still need to the resolve the issues which led to the downfall of your current relationship, before you attempt to rebuild anew with another. I think this very savvy (in all ways) woman knows that, too. So, my relationship advice right now to you is-- STOP TEXTING HER --- unless you need to ask for career advice.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2015 20:41:12 GMT -5
Wow Miss Lacy are you a teacher or something? )dag nab it my smileys don't work again. CLAPING SMILEY (
|
|
|
Post by Divebitch on May 5, 2015 7:49:52 GMT -5
So I couldn't leave well enough alone and I texted her that I wanted to hang out Friday night. That's the same day of our lunch. She said no because she had her daughter. I pressed the issue, cause I'm an idiot, and I could tell by her lack of response that it made her uncomfortable. I apologized and she said it was ok but that she felt pressured and that I needed to pump the brakes. I told her okay and it wouldn't happen again. I'm so wrapped up in this emotionally I can't think straight. I know I shouldnt contact her too often or spill my emotions but I do it anyway. I've texted her two days in a row and she hasn't responded. I'm thinking of texting her again and expressing empathy, instead of short greetings...they tend to get her attention... You committed a cardinal sin. Don't ever expect an ounce of compromise from a (good) mother, especially one with shared custody. Unless she is madly in love with you, most people know this is non-negotiable, off the table. And it wasn't even for a one-time event, like tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. You just wanted to "hang out". Sorry, but it does come off as needy, and poor judgment for even asking, much less pressing the issue. IDK what your texts have been like, nor what you mean by 'trying to express empathy'. Like for what? Is she not already in a good place, as you initially indicated? My gut feeling is 'game over'. As for that lunch. She agreed to--what you characterize as-- a date, true? Well, I'm really sorry to have to pull off those rose-colored glasses, but all us girls know that "lunch" is NOT a real "date." "Lunch" is sharing a crowded, public space with a person for a limited time (less than one hour)-- and oh yeah, half that time is spent ordering/eating. A "lunchdate" is typically offered to the "I like you as a friend" type men, because it is suppose to set a clear boundary-- one which these men usually tend to regularly cross. (Example-- texting EVERY DAY. ) I, personally, suspect she wanted to offer a kind gesture (lunch) inexchange for your kind gesture (bday flower/cake), and also find out if she could help you in your job search. Your post immediately after this date said "I love her." (your words) If I'm that girl. I'm like--- DAMN. And then, YIKES! I would then quickly find a way to avoid your texts (she did) and I would tell you to back off (she did). If you don't heed these stop signs-- in her mind, you could become a kind of creepy stalker-type. Someone she regrets ever giving her phone number to. So, my relationship advice right now to you is-- STOP TEXTING HER --- unless you need to ask for career advice. Sorry to leave half your post on the cutting room floor. haha On the lunch date... May not a full blown 'date'. BUT it's a safe, quick, non-committal way to gauge if there's enough interest to commit to a 2 - 5 hour outing. Same concept as meeting for a drink, you see where it goes. But with lunch, the 'out' is built in. So if she's a successful business woman with shared custody, it may be that she's (or was) interested. But with long hours, time at a high premium, lunch simply works better. She knows how you feel and was not there yet. Any pressure put on usually achieves the opposite. You gotta stop putting nails in this coffin for the remotest chance of a resurrection. Believe me, no woman relishes having to tell a guy to back off. Before answering machines (late 80s), your only recourse was not answering the phone - at least that's how much I'd dread it. lol So for her to have expressed that to you is probably the kiss of death. There's more pressure today in a sense. You're more accountable for receiving messages by way of text and email. Another thing IDT anyone's mentioned... there are probably even 20- and 30-somethings that don't send nor appreciate a lot of texting. It's for a tighter circle of friends and family. Outside that circle requires more discretion. Might be felt as spam with a 'pressure' to reply. IDK if it's too late, but agree with Miss Lacy 100% back off, quite completely for about a week. Then it could be like 'catching up', best case scenario. You never gave her time to wonder about you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2015 11:52:14 GMT -5
Also I would never tell her about this thread. Until your first aniversary.
|
|
theWILLmckoy
Heisman Candidate
WE LIVE AS KINGS, BUT JESUS IS GOD! - Swoope
Posts: 905
|
Post by theWILLmckoy on May 5, 2015 17:03:50 GMT -5
So I couldn't leave well enough alone and I texted her that I wanted to hang out Friday night. That's the same day of our lunch. She said no because she had her daughter. I pressed the issue, cause I'm an idiot, and I could tell by her lack of response that it made her uncomfortable. I apologized and she said it was ok but that she felt pressured and that I needed to pump the brakes. I told her okay and it wouldn't happen again. I'm so wrapped up in this emotionally I can't think straight. I know I shouldnt contact her too often or spill my emotions but I do it anyway. I've texted her two days in a row and she hasn't responded. I'm thinking of texting her again and expressing empathy, instead of short greetings...they tend to get her attention... The next time you're about to say something stupid bite down on your lip, the next time you're about to do something stupid stop keep your eyes and ears open she'll let ya know when to turn it up a notch. Too little too late my friend...
|
|
theWILLmckoy
Heisman Candidate
WE LIVE AS KINGS, BUT JESUS IS GOD! - Swoope
Posts: 905
|
Post by theWILLmckoy on May 5, 2015 17:22:25 GMT -5
I missed the pre-date, but I have to say steelerjeff offered the best advice-- which you seem to have been excited to hear, but in practice it appears to have been thrown out the window. From a woman's perspective, I may be able to offer some insight into a few of the young lady's actions. She gave you her phone number--- after you quit and would no longer be working at the same place. True? As a talent scout, she may have wanted to offer her help. Because of her connections, she could be in a position to network/assist you in finding another job. If she is (as you say) a successful, professional woman (with a career in human resources), she fully understands the importance of a having a stable job/career-- and she wants you to have one, too. If a good portion of your lunch date was spent discussing your future/options, she wants to help. I'd focus on taking any/all help she can offer in that area, and THEN see how things fall. As for that lunch. She agreed to--what you characterize as-- a date, true? Well, I'm really sorry to have to pull off those rose-colored glasses, but all us girls know that "lunch" is NOT a real "date." "Lunch" is sharing a crowded, public space with a person for a limited time (less than one hour)-- and oh yeah, half that time is spent ordering/eating. A "lunchdate" is typically offered to the "I like you as a friend" type men, because it is suppose to set a clear boundary-- one which these men usually tend to regularly cross. (Example-- texting EVERY DAY. ) I, personally, suspect she wanted to offer a kind gesture (lunch) inexchange for your kind gesture (bday flower/cake), and also find out if she could help you in your job search. Your post immediately after this date said "I love her." (your words) If I'm that girl. I'm like--- DAMN. And then, YIKES! I would then quickly find a way to avoid your texts (she did) and I would tell you to back off (she did). If you don't heed these stop signs-- in her mind, you could become a kind of creepy stalker-type. Someone she regrets ever giving her phone number to. Hmmm. Notice how I never even mentioned your "soon-to-be-separated" status in this entire scenario? That's because it is just one layer-- merely the icing on the cake (pun intended ). This concrete fact screams JUST A FRIEND in her ears. But it should also cause you to pause and seriously reflect/re-evaluate your life (both professional and personal) before you hastily act on ANYTHING. You claim you are not on the rebound. Perhaps, not. But, I do believe you still need to the resolve the issues which led to the downfall of your current relationship, before you attempt to rebuild anew with another. I think this very savvy (in all ways) woman knows that, too. So, my relationship advice right now to you is-- STOP TEXTING HER --- unless you need to ask for career advice. Wow! I thought I'd read the best advice already, but nothing holds a candle to what you've written ma'am! No offense to all who contributed to this thread. Sadly, for me at least, this little love pursuit is dead. She drop the bomb on me this morning. Told me stop texting and not to respond! I'm a softie so I was crushed...I wanted answers, but you misslacy, have given me all that I need. I guess I was more in denial than anything. I kinda knew she she wasn't feeling me, but I put the nail in the coffin last Friday...I wish I had played this waaaayyy cooler but I let my emotions ruin things and run her away...I feel like I just lost the Super Bowl...
|
|
theWILLmckoy
Heisman Candidate
WE LIVE AS KINGS, BUT JESUS IS GOD! - Swoope
Posts: 905
|
Post by theWILLmckoy on May 5, 2015 17:35:27 GMT -5
You committed a cardinal sin. Don't ever expect an ounce of compromise from a (good) mother, especially one with shared custody. Unless she is madly in love with you, most people know this is non-negotiable, off the table. And it wasn't even for a one-time event, like tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. You just wanted to "hang out". Sorry, but it does come off as needy, and poor judgment for even asking, much less pressing the issue. IDK what your texts have been like, nor what you mean by 'trying to express empathy'. Like for what? Is she not already in a good place, as you initially indicated? My gut feeling is 'game over'. As for that lunch. She agreed to--what you characterize as-- a date, true? Well, I'm really sorry to have to pull off those rose-colored glasses, but all us girls know that "lunch" is NOT a real "date." "Lunch" is sharing a crowded, public space with a person for a limited time (less than one hour)-- and oh yeah, half that time is spent ordering/eating. A "lunchdate" is typically offered to the "I like you as a friend" type men, because it is suppose to set a clear boundary-- one which these men usually tend to regularly cross. (Example-- texting EVERY DAY. ) I, personally, suspect she wanted to offer a kind gesture (lunch) inexchange for your kind gesture (bday flower/cake), and also find out if she could help you in your job search. Your post immediately after this date said "I love her." (your words) If I'm that girl. I'm like--- DAMN. And then, YIKES! I would then quickly find a way to avoid your texts (she did) and I would tell you to back off (she did). If you don't heed these stop signs-- in her mind, you could become a kind of creepy stalker-type. Someone she regrets ever giving her phone number to. So, my relationship advice right now to you is-- STOP TEXTING HER --- unless you need to ask for career advice. Sorry to leave half your post on the cutting room floor. haha On the lunch date... May not a full blown 'date'. BUT it's a safe, quick, non-committal way to gauge if there's enough interest to commit to a 2 - 5 hour outing. Same concept as meeting for a drink, you see where it goes. But with lunch, the 'out' is built in. So if she's a successful business woman with shared custody, it may be that she's (or was) interested. But with long hours, time at a high premium, lunch simply works better. She knows how you feel and was not there yet. Any pressure put on usually achieves the opposite. You gotta stop putting nails in this coffin for the remotest chance of a resurrection. Believe me, no woman relishes having to tell a guy to back off. Before answering machines (late 80s), your only recourse was not answering the phone - at least that's how much I'd dread it. lol So for her to have expressed that to you is probably the kiss of death. There's more pressure today in a sense. You're more accountable for receiving messages by way of text and email. Another thing IDT anyone's mentioned... there are probably even 20- and 30-somethings that don't send nor appreciate a lot of texting. It's for a tighter circle of friends and family. Outside that circle requires more discretion. Might be felt as spam with a 'pressure' to reply. IDK if it's too late, but agree with Miss Lacy 100% back off, quite completely for about a week. Then it could be like 'catching up', best case scenario. You never gave her time to wonder about you. [/quote] Very sound advice, dive thank you again. As I stated this one is officially dead. Any chance I can resurrect this?
|
|
|
Post by steelers54 on May 5, 2015 20:18:59 GMT -5
theWILLmckoy "Any chance I can resurrect this?" Honestly I have to say NO. You may have a slim chance but only if you do as she said, back off and don't text her, if you do you may be able to mend the fences you've broken but it will take some time. My advice to you was sound, Miss Lacy & Dive were more blunt in their advice to you, write it down it will help you in the future. Okay grasshopper everybody makes mistakes it's what you learn from them so you don't repeat them. Lesson #1. If you are going to ask for advice take heed and listen to what people tell you. Lesson #2. It's one thing to get good advice but it's worth nothing if you don't apply it. If you're not going to use the advice given then don't ask for any. It's not the end of the world because things didn't work out this time. Spend some time and get your life straightened out first before you try again. You weren't ready and the results prove that out...
|
|
|
Post by Divebitch on May 5, 2015 20:57:00 GMT -5
Wow! I thought I'd read the best advice already, but nothing holds a candle to what you've written ma'am! No offense to all who contributed to this thread. Sadly, for me at least, this little love pursuit is dead. She drop the bomb on me this morning. Told me stop texting and not to respond! I'm a softie so I was crushed...I wanted answers, but you misslacy, have given me all that I need. I guess I was more in denial than anything. I kinda knew she she wasn't feeling me, but I put the nail in the coffin last Friday...I wish I had played this waaaayyy cooler but I let my emotions ruin things and run her away...I feel like I just lost the Super Bowl... Very sound advice, dive thank you again. As I stated this one is officially dead. Any chance I can resurrect this? Sorry to say I seriously doubt it. 'Stop and don't even respond', worst possible outcome. As I'd intimated, had the feeling (as did Miss Lacy no doubt) that it was worse than she let on before today. Some positive thoughts... Doubt you were in love. More like something you wanted with who you imagined she was. While she may well be similar to that, you couldn't know her yet. It hurts now, but should pass more quickly than you think. You've probably learned a bit, and won't repeat mistakes. It's a delicate balance early on, even when you're (what you'd call) in the same league. P.S. Don't wanna give you false hope. But if there is any, it would only be if you completely left her alone, ran into each other accidentally, and you played it totally cool, no moves. Again, this is if she was ever interested to begin with. EDIT: I started typing this post before steelers54 posted the above, but seems we are on the exact same page on like every word.
|
|
theWILLmckoy
Heisman Candidate
WE LIVE AS KINGS, BUT JESUS IS GOD! - Swoope
Posts: 905
|
Post by theWILLmckoy on May 5, 2015 21:26:26 GMT -5
Yeah, I had to ask...I appreciate this guys and gals...I'm pretty sure she probably blocked my number. So the only chance I have is to run into her, which would be almost impossible seeing as we live an hr away from each other, but who knows...
|
|